i found out that i *have* been getting braxton hicks contractions lately after all, thanks to zu for confirming it. the info here also helped to clarify the strange happenings.

see, my tummy hardens, and it comes and goes for a few seconds each time. i wouldn’t say it hurts, it’s just a bit uncomfortable, especially when my bladder is full or after a meal or when i’m walking. (which pretty much covers a lot of the time!)

when it’s happening, i just have to brush against my tummy or give a little scratch to trigger the hardening. sensitive to touch, like a mimosa leaf. oh, and it also happens more after s/e/x. (i won’t go into the *other* kinds of discomforts after s/e/x. coz there ARE.)

i understand now why they’re called “contractions”, albeit fake ones. i can imagine my uterus literally contracting and squeezing itself tightly around the baby, in preparation for the Real Thing. i can feel the baby’s body outline closer to the surface of my tummy when it happens! there’s less water in the waterbag now, i think, and he’s taking up a LOT of its space, so it’s less cushiony in there. i think.

and i also think i have an inkling of what to expect when the Real Thing happens – ie. it’ll be ONE HUNDRED TIMES (or more) worse with more frequent contractions PLUS menstrual cramps-like pain.

now, let me recall my period cramps. hmm…

anyway, here’s my informer with her Kid A – alya.

being out with them for a few hours gives us an idea of what it’s like bringing a new baby out.

it is NOT easy.

baby alya slept on and off like a lil chick, and mews frequently for her parents to carry her.

erm, i think we’ll just sit home quietly. (yeah, right.)

oh and look, a gay couple was spotted! faces cropped to protect their identities.

and again, thanks to zu, this tsunami victim was donated a bagful of clothes, a big pack of maternity pads, and *gasp* a pair of maternity denim jeans! hurrah, they fit! i missed you, denim.

i suddenly got hit by a tidal wave of irrational fear and doubt merely a few moments ago. it just happened, and didn’t help that i was alone at home, thinking all these thoughts.

… i feared if i’d made a mistake in bringing another human into this world.

… i feared if having a child is an act of selfishness.

… i feared that we’re only doing this out of peer pressure, family pressure, and general social expectations.

… i feared that we won’t have enough to support a child + a car + a house + a maid + aging parents + etc.

… i feared that i’m adding an extra burden to my family with the expectation to care for this child, especially to my mother whose energy and health is already spent on her ailing husband and her beloved first grandchild.

… i fear that i will not make a good mother.

because seriously folks, i’ve never had that much of a maternal streak in me. and sure, it’ll come naturally once i have my own blah blah. but i’m still… freaked out by the sudden realisation that it’s a BLOODY HUGE thing i’m undertaking here, and i might not be able to handle it at all.

in any case, thank you Allah for blessing me and deeming me fit to have a child, and please forgive this ingrate for thinking negative thoughts. i may fear all the above and so much more, but since you have miraculously created this child in unworthy me, i trust that there is a Very Good Reason behind it all.

i thought i’d keep a lil souvenir of peanut’s movements in a video. not easy to capture him at his most active, they’re quite unpredictable. so i only managed to get him at his “milder” moments….

it’s harder now to manouevre myself while lying down to sleep, so i end up sleeping upright. after a while i’ll slide down. when i’m lying on my side, turning to the other side takes some effort and a whole lot of huffing and puffing. not that the tummy is SO very heavy, it’s just the weight pressing against my organs, or whatever else is in there, that’s making it hard for me to breathe.

but i CAN sleep. it’s my specialty!

it’s week 28 and i try my best to walk walk walk walk walk walk walk as much as possible, despite the slower pace and shortness of breath.

a few people observed that my tummy has gone lower. a lot noticed my navel. it looks like a third nipple.

must take more pics of fat tummy. who knows when the next time will be, right…?

i was so blahdy frustrated yesterday, ok.

was getting ready for a wedding, and my tummy simply won’t fit into anything nice anymore!

i grumbled and i moaned and i tried to squeeze my body desperately into all the baggiest baju kurungs i had (well, ok there aren’t that many to begin with). instead, only buckets of sweat squeezed out of my body. curses.

“that’s it!”, shouted i.
“i am NOT going to anymore weddings until i give birth!!”, vowed i.
all this to the husband of course, who merely looked on in mild amusement.
“this one ok what…”, said he.

that’s a frumpy makcik in her baggiest sack of baju. really. in a few weeks time, she can say goodbye to that last baggy sack of baju.

i’m glad fasting month is nigh. not only don’t i have to worry about attending weddings, i won’t have to worry about what to eat in the day either.

i’ve asked friends, including SIL, who’ve been through fasting months in their third trimester. they said they could handle it, even their non-muslim gynaes don’t object to it. i’m worried that peanut won’t have enough nutrients, coz as it is, i eat small bits, mostly junk.

maybe i’ll ask my beloved doc what he thinks.

i’m also a teensy bit worried about not having prepared a bag of baby stuff for the trip to the hospital.

what to buy?
what to bring?
is it too early?

third trimester, anything unexpected can happen, right??

ok i’m paranoid. and i haven’t even felt any of those braxton-hicks contractions thingy yet.

… or have i?

September 17, 2005

this is how my tummy feels most of the time. full of air and about to pop.

batura spears, pop star.

***

speaking of teenage pregnancies (ok, so britney isn’t a teen anymore), a nonya at a store made me vair happy today.

nonya: baby boy ah?
me: ya, aunty also know ah!
nonya: ya lah, i see the shape i know! your first one ah?
me: yah. aunty guess how old i am lah.
nonya: hmm… 20.
me: !!
nonya: 19?
me: ha?? you sure or not, aunty?
nonya: 18 ah?
me: 28 lah, so old already!
nonya: but.. you don’t look 28 ah! you go facial one ah?
me: ha ha ha where got money go facial, aunty…

thank you hor aunty, you so kind even though i already paid $5 for the ware at your shop.

aunty seems blase about rampant teen pregnancies. heh.

***

did i mention i lurve children’s books?

everytime there’s a borders’ discount or bargain, i purchase a few for dadam. especially those touch-n-feel ones, keeping in mind that they’ll soon be passed down to peanut. nevermind that they’re probably breeding grounds for a million germs from dadam’s grimy fingers, heh.

and as i was telling an equally book-loving mother, i’d rather have good quality children’s books than crappy toys as gifts.

and that’s not a hint. :D

the funniest thing happened yesterday.

rin happily placed her hand on my belly, so i tapped peanut awake and he promptly gave one of his BIG bony nudges.

rin, who SO didn’t expect that to happen, literally JUMPED, and SHRIEKED, and HID behind fina!

LOL!

damn. someone should have captured that on video. it was priceless, i tell ya.

him moving is like… bones poking from inside.

yes, it is a lil creepy, in a circus freak kinda way.

but reassuring, coz… *cue dr frankenstein voice-over* “IT’S ALIVE!” *cue lightning and thunder*

as you can see, my appetite has somewhat improved. :D

another checkup at dr a/z/i/z yesterday revealed that i’ve now reached 50.1kg, which is a 7kg gain. and hurrah, peanut takes up 1kg of that, so effectively, 6kg is all mine, in the period of 6 months. and even some of that doc said could be water retention.

i also notice that my blood pressure gets lower and lower at every checkup. but i guess that’s not a bad thing.

as doc was on a tight schedule that day (he had a caesarian scheduled at 1pm), he got right to the point.

‘’so hana, will you be breastfeeding after giving birth?”
”yes, hopefully.”
”ok, next question, are your nipples protruding?”

for a while, i wondered if i had to flash them for him.

HAHAHA!

”hmm… i should think so.”
”you’ve had them your entire life, you should be familiar with them by now! *chuckle*”

and in comes the ever-reliable source of affirmation – the husband.

”yah, they are.”

HAHAHA!

”rohaizad, how many women’s breasts have you seen?”
”…”
”ah, then how do you make your comparison? ahhhaa… *chuckles*”

he explained that some women have flat nipples and that could hamper a mother’s attempt at breastfeeding. i’m pretty sure mine aren’t flat-ish, but they’re no bottle teats either of course. in any case, he stamped ”BREASTFEED / MAMEX GOLD” on my antenatal record, just in case i’d need formula milk to complement my dubious state of nipples.

another scan was done to measure the head and the cross-section of peanut’s body (from which doc knew he’s already 1kg). again we were shown his heartbeat. but by now, we’re so, ahem, blase about ultrasounds. as long as you’re still there and i know you are, coz i can feel you thrashing about inside all the time!

the receptionist had asked if i’d made a decision about where we’re to deliver, and promptly made the booking for us. no deposit to be made just yet, just a reservation. doc informed us about the price difference between hospital A and B, but we’ve already made up our minds. heck it.

***

woke up today and decided that my butt and legs ached from:
A) lots of walking, for work and for leisure
B) squatting and bending from scrubbing the toilets

off i went, limping to the GP on duty at my favourite 24-hour clinic, and after explaining (B) to him, he said, ”please tell your husband to… wake up!” after which he guffawed.

i swear, doctors seem to have a sense of humour these days.

that reminds me of my current favourite tv show, ”House”. every tuesday at 10pm on AXN. i like.

my linea nigra is a bit wonky. hee.

could be due to my former piercing. i think it should be a straight line.

and my once-inny navel is now a strange-looking outy.